random rantings of a disoriented muse.

tonight i realized that i’m not as strong as i thought.

a part of me tells me that i deserve all this.

i’m such a bitch, i know.

but seriously, does it have to be like this?

we’re colder than ever.

i don’t think i even know you anymore.

yeah. i know it’s my fault.

i started this.

well. i guess these are the consequences of my actions.

but i’ve already learned my lesson.

that’s why i already lowered my pride and asked you back.

i apologized and acknowledged my mistake.

i know it’s not enough.

maybe i still have to suffer more.

but, trust me. right now, i’m hoping things would end already.

i can’t do this anymore.

all this painful emotions are affecting my entirety.

i can’t do this anymore.

i’m quitting.

i’m done.

if it’s really over, then so be it.

i won’t chase you anymore.

i won’t force myself to you anymore.

you could hate me and tell me that all of these are my fault.

it’s okay.

i really don’t care anymore.

what difference does it make anyway?

i asked you back hoping you’d give me another chance.

but i guess, i don’t deserve it.

so, there.

i’m done.

today i learned:

1. that no matter how hard you try, and how much you give everything if it’s just not meant for you, it will never be yours.

2. that the most pitiful and hateful thing for me is to be dependent all the time to someone else. like a puppy waiting for his every meal.

3. that i hate not being able to do anything and much more is when i’m not even being given a chance.

4. that no matter how positive i am, a single speck of doubt and negativity can creep in and eventually ruin me.

5. that no matter how much i trust someone, one lie is enough for me to doubt forever.

6. that at the end of the day, all i have is me.